Lately, I’ve been thinking about what it means to be successful. Not just successful in the way we usually define it, having a good career, making money, achieving goals, getting recognition, but what personal success actually means.
What does it mean for me to be successful?
This thought came to me recently while thinking about Kylian Mbappé and some of the conversations around his career. By almost every measure, he is an incredibly successful footballer. He has achieved things that most of us can only imagine. He has won individual awards, broken records, scored an incredible number of goals, and established himself as one of the best players of his generation.
And yet, there is still this conversation about what he hasn’t won. The team trophies. The medals. The World Cup.
This somehow irks me.
It made me think about how interesting our definition of success can be. Someone can be exceptionally good at what they do and have accomplished things that are remarkable by all standards, but somehow those accomplishments can feel less significant because they don’t have the particular trophy or recognition that everyone else is looking for.
And then I started thinking about my own life.
What is my scoreboard?
If I were to sit down and define success for myself, what would I put on the list?
A successful career? Financial security? Certain degrees or certifications? A happy marriage? Healthy, well adjusted children? A tidy home? Being a good friend? Growing in my relationship with God? Learning new things? Taking care of myself? Building something of my own?
There are so many things that could go on the list. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting any of these things. In fact, I want many of them.
But I started wondering: Who decides what makes someone successful?
And even more importantly, how much of my definition of success is actually mine?
The need for recognition
I think this is where it gets interesting.
Because, if I’m being completely honest, I like recognition. I like knowing that I did something well. I like it when someone notices that I’ve worked hard. I like achieving something that other people consider impressive.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
But I don’t want to get to a point where I need other people to recognize my accomplishments before I can recognize them myself.
What if I set a goal for myself and actually followed through, but nobody else knew? Would that still count?
What if I decided that something was important to me and I showed up consistently for it, even though it didn’t result in a promotion, an award, or some other visible accomplishment? Would I consider that success?
I think the answer should be yes.
But I’m not sure that I’ve always lived that way.
The things that don’t make the résumé
There are some accomplishments that don’t really have anywhere to go on a résumé.
- Becoming more patient.
- Being more present with your children.
- Learning to say no.
- Being a better wife.
- Keeping a promise you made to yourself.
- Getting through a difficult season without giving up.
- Growing in your faith.
- Taking better care of yourself.
- Being consistent with something you’ve struggled with for years.
Nobody is going to give you a trophy for these things. There may not even be anyone around to notice.
But they can still be some of the most meaningful accomplishments of our lives.
And maybe that’s one of the problems with the way we sometimes think about success. We tend to focus on the things that are easy to measure and easy for other people to see.
Degrees. Titles. Salaries. Houses. Awards. Followers.
Even when we set goals, we focus on SMART goals. But some of the things that matter most are much harder to measure.
What matters now?
I think this is where the idea behind this blog really comes in.
Maybe success isn’t something we define once and then spend the rest of our lives trying to achieve. Maybe it changes as we move through different seasons of life.
What mattered to me at 25 isn’t necessarily what matters to me now, more than a decade later. And what matters to me now may not be what matters to me ten years from now.
Maybe personal success is less about checking off a universal list of accomplishments and more about asking:
What matters to me in this season?
And then, this is the hard part, actually living according to that answer.
Because it’s easy to say that family matters and then give all of our energy to work.
It’s easy to say that our health matters and continue putting it at the bottom of the list.
It’s easy to say that we want to build something meaningful but spend all of our free time consuming what everyone else is doing.
Knowing what matters is one thing. Actually prioritizing it is another.
I’m still figuring this out
I don’t think I have a perfect definition of personal success yet. I’m still figuring it out.
But I think I’m becoming more interested in having a definition that is actually mine. I want to be able to look at my life and recognize the things that I am proud of, even if they aren’t particularly impressive to someone else.
I want to celebrate progress that nobody else sees. I want to be able to say, I told myself I was going to do this, and I did it. I want to be careful not to measure my life entirely by someone else’s scoreboard.
Maybe success isn’t always about winning the trophy.
Maybe sometimes it is simply knowing that you played the game you actually wanted to play and that you showed up, leaned in, failed at some things, learned new things, and gave it your best.
So I’m curious:
How do you define personal success?
And perhaps an even harder question:
If nobody else could see or recognize your accomplishments, what would still make you feel successful?
I’d really love to hear what you think.
Feels&Flutters 